Celebrate

Crohn's.  Plain and simple.

That's my answer when asked what is something about 'my lot in life' that I have to deal with.

Here's the thing: most people don't even know I struggle with it.  I am pretty good at keeping it under wraps except with those I am really close to. However, it has been a struggle throughout my life, at least since 4th grade when I started manifesting the symptoms.  Of course, back then the doctors just thought I was making it up and trying to get attention for whatever reason (quite common with early Crohn's symptoms) but my mom knew something was wrong.  So she kept taking me back, taking me back, taking me back to the doctor anytime I was in great pain, until finally one day in 6th grade they checked.

What a relief to prove to others that you weren't faking it.

What a disappointment to find out at 11 years old that you have a chronic illness, a painful and hard to explain one at that.

Since then I have had moments of great heartache because of it. Yes, intense heartache. There are several moments in my life that I felt completely robbed of.  Half of my junior year of high school was spent either in the hospital with feeding tubes in my arm or sitting at home, trying to rebuild my immune system that they killed to keep the crohn's from killing me, all the while listening to my friends talk on the phone about this boy or that football game... it was hard.  There were other moments like that, moments that I felt I should have had but I didn't get to, all because of this stupid illness.

At the same time, however, I have had many more moments of great happiness.  I guess you really appreciate your health when you were told you wouldn't have it.  But I do have it.  Since 2004 (the last time I went to the hospital) I have been very strong.  I have traveled and lived abroad, I went after my dream job and I got it, and then I married the man that I love and we have created a beautiful life together, most of the time Crohn's free.

Of course, there are times when it flairs up.  This year has seen some of that.  And it scares me.  Because I know what it is like to be on prednisone, to live in the hospital, to be afraid of the bathroom and what that might mean.  But I have learned something else -- I know what it is like to live, to fully live, and I will not let this stop me.  It may make things more complicated at times, or really complicated at times, but I will not let it define me.  As much as I can, I will control it so it doesn't control me.  And then I will go out and live my life, realizing that any time it stops me for a bit does not mean it is 'robbing me' of something, but rather just postponing it.

I truly wish I had some great way to wrap this us, some inspirational 'You won't get me down!' sort of thing. But I don't. I just have this: This is a struggle, and it can be very hard. Tears are shed from time to time. Honestly though, I know it could be worse and I realize I am still very active, so I am grateful for that.  I pray daily for it to be gone, and I have hope that someday it will, but until then I take my many victories as they come -- the doctor telling me how healthy my colon looks, so little scarring present (which wasn't expected), the times when I sit down in front of a hearty salad and remember all the years that I wasn't able to do that, the fact that I have such a FULL life and that I can get up and go do what I want to do -- and I celebrate.  So I guess that's what I will leave you with.  Celebrate the victories.  Recognize them, and then celebrate. And store those away for days when you don't feel like you have any, because those days will come and you will need to find a way to get to the other side.  But then when you get there, celebrate again.

Yeah, that's it. Celebrate.

Apologies + Tomato Salad

Dear Friends Who Leave Me Voicemails,
I am sorry I never reply to you.  Actually, I am sorry I never even check your messages but just delete them and call you back when I have time.  I would like to say I have some good excuse, but I don't, other than I simply don't like checking my voice mail.  Sorry.

Dear Other Drivers on the Road,
I am sorry for all the times I wished the CHP upon you when you ticked me off.  I wouldn't like it if you did the same in return... oh wait, I am pretty sure you do do it in return.  Oh well.

Dear Friends Who Invite Me Over,
I am sorry for all the times I brought lame, store bought food to potluck dinners.  I know that you expect more from a woman with a food blog, but it's just so easy to hit up Safeway on the way over...

Dear Digestive Track,
I am sorry for all the times I fed you cheese or popcorn, knowing full well that it would make you miserable, and therefore make me miserable. I apologize for thinking more about the taste buds than I think about you.

Dear College Roommate,
I am sorry that I showed up to your wedding in the wrong colored bridesmaid's dress. You said 'blackberry' and I wrote down 'black', only to find out the day of your wedding that 'blackberry' was code for 'dark purple'.  Oops.  (And thank you for still being my friend, despite that.)

Dear Husband,
I am sorry for all the times I made you sit through The Bachelor with me. I know you have about 1,287,658 things you would rather be doing, but you power through so I can have someone to comment to.  You are a trooper!

And, Meu Amor, while I am at at, I am sorry that I never feed you Brazilian food anymore.  You have given up your country and your language and all the people you knew, and I don't want you to have to give up your food, as well.  I hope this tomato salad can help put us back on the half-American-half-Brazilian track again.  Besides, with fresh tomatoes, onions, cilantro, and lime juice it is delicious and there is no reason not to have this on our plate, regularly.  Kind of like pico de gallo as a side dish...  Yum.

Whew!  It was good to get that all off my chest ;)

// Day 13 of Blog Every Day in May //

BRAZILIAN TOMATO SALAD

SERVES 4  •  PREP TIME: 5 MINUTES  •  TOTAL TIME: 5 MINUTES

ingredients

• 3-4 large tomatoes, thinly sliced
• ½ onion, very thinly sliced
• 2 tablespoons fresh cilantro, chopped
• juice from 1-2 limes or ½ lemon
• salt, to taste

directions

1.      Mix tomatoes and onions together.  Add cilantro and lime/lemon juice with salt.  Enjoy!

 COST: $3.14       COST PER SERVING (4): $0.79 

Nostalgia

"What do you miss?"

I can't describe it in words.  Really, there is no way you would understand.  And you probably won't even get it with the pictures.  Because honestly, how can you capture love so deep that you didn't know it could exist outside of your own family?  Or share how a small, tiny island in the middle of nowhere -- one that many told you would be the worst spot on the globe -- would open up such beauty to you, despite the ramshackle houses and trash littering the street?

Really, I can't tell it and you won't get it... and I have come to make peace with that.  But yes, I miss THIS.  I miss my name being "Missa" and my hands being constantly held by little fingers covered with dirt.  I miss ice cream on the dock at night when the power was out and the relief of the power coming back on.  I do not miss the cockroaches, but I do miss the adventure they provided.

I miss the growth I felt -- the awareness that the whole world really can exist on an island about a quarter of a square mile in size.  Because really, what is the world?  It is people living, breathing, moving, existing side by side, those you come in contact with on a regular basis and those you have learned to love as your lives weave in and out of each other's.

I miss the joy of simplicity.

The friendships that were unlikely.

The coming-to-an-understanding that my life 'back home' did not define reality.

I miss THIS.

And though Cinderella and her prince lived happily ever after, 

the point, gentlemen, is that they lived. 

 (quote taken from 'Ever After')

Basil-Almond-Garlic Pesto + Me, in 10 words

Today I am supposed to sell myself in 10 words.  Hmmm.  This is a tricky one...

But here goes nothing.

Loyal.
Compassionate.
Creative, at times.

Learner.
Life lover.
Talker.
Sharer.

And since I am a sharer, I am sharing my favorite way to make pesto.  I don't put any cheese in it, keeping it plant based.  Almonds are cheaper than pine nuts and add a bit of flavor that is just right.  It is incredibly garlicky, so if you are sensitive to that you can cut back on the garlic.  We use it on top of pasta, in sandwiches, over chicken... there are SO MANY uses for pesto.  And as always, pesto is naturally gluten free, so even those with sensitivities to gluten can enjoy this over fish or chicken.  Enjoy!

BASIL ALMOND GARLIC PESTO

YIELDS 1 CUP  •  PREP TIME: 5 MINUTES  •  TOTAL TIME: 5 MINUTES

Ingredients

• 1 cup washed basil leaved, packed
• 3 cloves of garlic
• 1/3 cup almond slices
• 1/3 - ½ cup olive oil
• sea salt, to taste

Directions

1.      Place all ingredients in food processor or blender.  Run for about 30 seconds.  Add more olive oil to get to desired consistency.

2.      Use on top of cooked pasta, in sandwiches, on top of chicken – wherever you want!

 COST: $3.45           

Love Your Life (My one piece of advice)

Life can be hard.  It can be good.  Sometimes it is messy.  Or peaceful.  Full of joy, full of heartache.

And let me say it loud and clear -- some things in our lives are downright ugly.

But let me also say loud and clear -- it is beautiful.  It is a gift.  It is ours and we are free to do with it what we want.

You might think, "Yeah, but you don't know my life..."

You are right. I don't.  But I do know my friend who witnessed her parents and brother murdered before her eyes when she was ten.  Life was hard, IS hard, but she smiles every single day.  She laughs.  She loves those around her.  She enjoys life -- her life, with all its complexities.

And my other friend -- one who just got diagnosed with a terminal illness, way too early in life to be faced with what that means.  And yet she LIVES. She struggles, for sure, but then she gets on the phone and laughs and makes plans and enjoys her time with those around her.

There are so many others, friends and acquaintances and friends of friends who have shown me what the power of mind over matter -- thoughts over circumstances -- can do.

So, my one piece of advice?  Love your life. Yes, YOURS.  With all its ups and downs.  It is the only one you've got, so make the most of it.

Linking up with Jenni for the Blog Every Day in May challenge

What I "Do" + Cauliflower Mash

The question has been asked, 'What do you do?'

Well, during the day, when my name is 'Teacher' and I am surrounded by nine and ten-year-olds, I do band-aids and hugs, lesson delivery and grading.  I do encouragement. I do discipline. I do high-fives and shushes. I do parent/teacher conferences.  I do report cards and I do assistance with math problems.  I do real-life problem solving.  I do love.

When I am at home and my name is 'Babe' to my husband, I do many other things.  I do laundry and cooking.  I do dishes sometimes and toilet scrubbing when necessary.  I do long conversations over dinner and laughter, a lot.  I do sharing and receiving, compromise and support.  I do kisses and hugs. I do love.

Other times, when my name is 'Friend', I do phone calls and facebook commenting.  I do talking and listening.  I do fun.  I do movies and dinners.  I do nights out and weekend trips. I do hand holding when times are tough and silly dances when times are light.  I do love.

And then, in my free time, I do new recipes and pictures. I do blog posting and very little TV watching.  I do globe-trotting and life-living.

Ultimately, though, I hope the thing that defines me is that I do LOVE.


#BlogEveryDayinMay

CAULIFLOWER MASH WITH GARLIC AND THYME
Recipe inspired by Love & Whimsy

SERVES 4 •  PREP TIME: 10 MINUTES  •  TOTAL TIME: 25 MINUTES

Ingredients

• 1 head of cauliflower
• 3-4 cloves of garlic, peeled and roughly chopped
• salt, to taste
• ¼ cup milk
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 1 tablespoon fresh thyme, plus more to top

directions

1.      Wash cauliflower and remove green parts.  Cut into large chunks and steam for 10 minutes with salt.

2.      Remove of pot and carefully spoon into a food processor. Add milk and butter, along with thyme. Blend until pureed.  Top with remaining thyme.

 COST: $2.00           COST PER SERVING (4): $0.50

Nutritional Information
calories 104   •    total fat 8.9g    •    fiber 3.3g    •    sugars 0.9g   •    protein 1.4g

Grown-Up Grilled Cheese

Grilled Cheese: The American grilled sandwich of choice.

I am all down for Kraft Singles between bread, and I get that that is what 'grilled cheese' usually means, but the grown-up version of me just hasn't really accepted this as actual food in recent years.  The ingredient list is quite long and well, the texture is a little odd to say the least.  And I would go for cheddar or colby, but those give me a bellyache.  And so grilled cheese became a thing of the past for me.

Until I was scrolling through Blog Lovin' the other day (which is way cooler than Google Reader ever was and you totally need to get it NOW and not later...) and I came across the most delicious looking grilled cheese sandwich I had ever seen: Avocado, mozzarella, and jalapeno-chimichurri.  OH YES.

I looked at Erin's recipe (over at Naturally Ella) and thought jalapeno sounded too spicy, and mozzarella too gooey (my stomach does not like gooey cheeses).  But the whole concept -- avocados + chimichurri + different cheese -- was a winner.

I didn't even know was chimichurri was but recently I have been seeing it pop up everywhere.  A quick internet search shared with me that it is basically an Argentinian style sauce used on top of meat, and another quick look, this time at the ingredients, showed me it is very similar to pesto, with red wine vinegar added to it.  Simple, fresh, and I had all the ingredients in the house.  Perfect.

I opted for goat cheese because (A) I had it in hand, (B) my stomach doesn't mind it, and (C) the ingredient list was goat's milk, cheese cultures, and salt -- as the ingredient list should be.  Grabbed an avocado and some bread, and went to work.

And they were fantastic.

That's the beauty of the blog world.  There are so many great things out there.  Sure, there are many that aren't going to suit your fancy, but there are some real gems.  I have tons of bloggers that I love following -- some for food, some for life, some for no real reason at all other than they share great/random/funny/deep things with me.

Today for the Blog Every Day in May Challenge, I am supposed to profess my love for a blogger, and I am having a hard time coming up with just one.  There are so many great blogs out there and even greater people behind these blogs.  Those of you who visit regularly (Cassandra / Ana / Lynna ), those who inspire me to strive for more in the kitchen ( Naturally Ella / A Couple Cooks / Happy Yolks ), and so many others...

But there is a group I would like to make a super shout out to: My Sundays with Joy girls.  Carrie over at Bakeaholic Mama started the group a little over a year ago, and I jumped in.  Little did I know that I would form true friendships from this group, with so many.  Not only do we bake together, but we share things from outside of our blogs together.  Engagements, moving, difficulties and loss... we have a group on Facebook that shares sweet treats and sweet moments.  And I love being a part of a group like that!  Wanna know something cool?  Joy the Baker is a part of our group (as it IS her book we are going through ;) ) and she takes the time to read what we write and encourage us along the way.  Let me tell you -- it means a lot to have one of the most well-known bloggers tell you that your photos are gorgeous. But it also means a lot when other 'small-time' bloggers such as myself offer words of encouragement and help along the way. What a great group to be a part of!!!  Thank you, ladies!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AVOCADO – CHIMICHURRI – GRILLED GOAT CHEESE SANDWICH
Recipe adapted from Naturally Ella

SERVES 4 •  PREP TIME: 10 MINUTES  •  TOTAL TIME: 20 MINUTES

Ingredients

• 1 cup packed parsley
• 3-4 large basil leaves
• 3 cloves garlic, peeled
• ¼ cup red wine vinegar
• ½ cup olive oil
• salt, to taste
• large avocado, sliced
• 4 oz. goat cheese (soft / creamy)
• 4 slices sourdough
• spreadable butter

directions

1.      Make chimichurri: In blender/food processor, blend parsley, basil, and garlic together.  Add vinegar and olive oil and blend again, until desired consistency. 

2.      Heat non-stick skillet over medium heat. Add a thin spread of butter on the outside of two pieces of bread.  On one slice (on the non-butter side) spread half of the goat cheese, layer half of the avocado, and spread chimichurri on top. Cover with other slice of bread and carefully put into skillet.

3.      Let cook until lightly golden on bottom and, using a large spatula, flip.  Cook remaining side until golden brown.  Remove from heat and cut in half.  Repeat to make second sandwich.

(You might have chimichurri left over.  Place in an airtight container and refrigerate, up to three days.)

 COST: $5.88           COST PER SANDWICH (2): $2.94